“Darlin’ don’t you go and cut your hair” – Pavement
Our kids are pretty confident when it comes to experimenting with their style and appearance. And we do our best to support their exploration. There are a handful of times that we’ve refused to let Plum or Bluey out of the house due to a “look” they have mashed together. But that is a very rare occurrence.
Bluey has a wild mass of untamed curls that spring forth from his head. Bluey loves Skechers line of Twinkle Toes shoes, and a lot of other things that
are marketed to girls: Lego Friends, My Little Pony, and the Little House on the Prairie series. But he also adores Transformers, comics, and Star Wars. We have NEVER once suggested to Bluey that certain books or products aren’t meant for boys.
Plum is experimenting with makeup, hairstyle, and clothing. She bounces from the influences of Punk, to a sort of preppy ballet look, to a schleppy freshman sweats-&-t-shirt style. She has experimented with hair color (even wigs!) and Plum loves bold lipstick and eyeliner. There are times when her final results are a bit of a hot mess, but Plum’s beauty always shines through. And isn’t the mess part of the path to finding out who you are and what you like?
As our children get older, we find ourselves at a crossroads of parenting. Do we continue to allow Plum and Bluey to freely express who they are and experiment with what they like? Will they be bullied and ridiculed? Is it our job as parents to nudge them into “safer,” more traditional and accepted choices?
Both Bluey and Plum have already encountered judgmental people. And not just among their peers. Adults frequently refer to Bluey as “she” and then cast disparaging looks at us when corrected. He has had friends tell him that his loved toys are for girls. Plum has had friends ridicule her choices and try to pressure her to change. She has had adults discourage her pursuits in reading and science.
Will we reign in our kids? Should we?
No. TRMom and TRDad rise up like wild animals in defense of their brood. We will not squash our kids’ spirit. We will not conform our family to society’s standards. We may continue to doubt ourselves at times. But we hold strong. Our kids are so very proud of themselves, and we are proud of them, too!