Friends, complete strangers, and family members tend to react with astonishment every time our children say “please” or “thank you.” When did we as a society decide to set the bar so low for interacting with each other?
Manners are a frequent conversational topic in our household. We work constantly with our youngest to phrase requests with “May I please have…,” rather than “Get me some more…” or “I need more…” We work with our Plum on table manners: chewing with mouth closed, asking for a dish of food rather than reaching across someone’s plate for it. We discuss over and over again with each of our kids the importance of not interrupting a conversation. And we actively work with them to hone their phone skills: leaving a message vs. just hanging up, phoning only after 9am on any given day, and only phoning a person once and then waiting for a call back.
As with any family, we have some golden rules in our manner/respect book that are absolute: no yelling in the car, no hitting anyone or any animal, no lying, and no labeling anyone or anything “stupid.” Breaking these specific rules results in a stern discussion and/or punishment depending on the severity of the behavior.
Tip: If parents don’t say “please” or “thank you” to people – AND to their own children- then why should their kids? The first step in getting your kids to be more polite is making sure your own behavior is up to par. If parents don’t treat others – AND their own children- with respect, then why should the kids?
Let us clarify that our kids are not Saints (and certainly neither are we). They have their bad days when they don’t want to share, they refuse to interact with another child or adult for no apparent reason, or they forget to thank someone. Our kids break the house rules, struggle with manners, and interrupt our conversations. But thankfully, these moments are exceptions to their behavior- and each slip-up is another chance to explain why it’s important to be polite!